No makeup selfie sisterhood!

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So it’s been blocking up all of our newsfeed, forced beauty cosmetics out of business, caused unbearable eyesore and officially dubbed makeup as the eighth wonder of the world – yes ladies and gentlemen it’s the no make up selfies that I’m banging on about!

The trend that has got women posting selfies without makeup online with the hashtag #nomakeupselfie in order to raise awareness on cancer has gone viral.

Within 48hours of the trend going online it has helped raised £2million.

The trend was not initiated by Cancer Research but it seems to have begun with author Laura Lippman who posted a picture of her bare face in support of actress Kim Novak who was criticised for her looks, but has since become associated with charity Cancer Research after people began adding the hashtag #breastcancerawareness to the selfies.

I understand the bravery needed to fight against cancer cannot compare to even trillions of #nomakeupselfie. Bravery means many things to many different people. For the girl who won’t even go to the corner shop without her face on or even those who have insecurities because of their acne or scarring, for them to post a picture online for the world to scrutinise hints at her vulnerability, it may not be the same vulnerability or bravery as those battling against cancer but nonetheless it’s vulnerability of some sort.

And if you think that was a whole load of crap, let’s just point to the fact – £2million 48hours.
Let’s not detract from the point that the underlying reason behind embracing the bare faced beauties is to raise awareness on cancer which it clearly is doing and it by far beats any planking or necknominations trend.

Cancer will unfortunately be a part of the majority of our lives at some point, whether that’s directly or supporting family and friends who are in suffering. It’s a battle that we are all in together. So I say, makeup or no makeup, a simple text – BEAT to 70007 to donate can make a big difference.

I nominate all those beautiful faces out there.
Do not shoot down the sisterhood!

All those in suffering fighting against cancer, those in despair seeing their loved ones in pain and those who will one day fall into either of them categories…you are not alone. Prayers go out to all.

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WHY WOMEN ARE STRANGE!?

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Before you read any further I would firstly like to clarify I am a woman.
Secondly, thank the lord I do not have to spend the rest of my life with one.
I wish there was a guide to women I could write to help you boys/girls out there.
Unfortunately, women are bizarre psychotic creatures that exist on earth disguised as seducing goddesses with silky hair, soft skin, rosy cheeks, luscious lips and irresistible bodies.

I see them as the equivalent of a gourmet burger. You want one. You need one. It looks tempting. Forget the diet. Forget the saving fund. But oh how messy it is to eat. The effort taken to ensure you have a taste of each ingredient in that one bite. Even after it gets to the point where you feel you couldn’t possible carry on, you just can’t put it down. Even if you found a hair in the burger or suffered from food poisoning the next morning you will never say no when offered a burger.

So I decided to give you a little breakdown of the craziness within women. Call it the female menu shall we.

The top 10 ingredients of the female kind are as follows:

1) THE PARANOIA! “It’s been three minutes… three minutes I tell you and he has not messaged back. I know exactly what his hands are busy with”. Even if the poor guy was literally snoozing he would still be expected to wake to that text and respond immediately. Otherwise the only logical answer is that he’s screwing with the milk mans wife. Obviously.

2) “ITS FINE”! Ooh now you know you are in trouble! It is never “fine”.It is never “okay”. It is never “do what you want”. Note… Do not do what you want and do not walk away thinking that’s the end of that. You will be sleeping on the sofa. You will not know what you did wrong. But you will be expected to be understanding and greet us with chocolates and roses at the next encounter.

3) TIME OF THE MONTH. There is no help here. No matter what you do, you will lose. This is the one week where even Scarlett Johansson turns into hulk. You’re on your own here.

4) WEIGHT. Lisa told Kelly who heard from Janet that Adams first wife Tanya was seen wearing the leathers she wore before pregnancy. Baby fat gone. Apparently she sucked on boiled eggs every morning and sniffed chocolate every night for 6 weeks. Tanya is now a goddess who will instantly be hated and Kelly and Lisa including the rest of the female kind will suck on two eggs and sniff five chocolate bars every night. The lengths taken to shed a few pounds is not as simple as a morning jog, because that’s not what Tanya did.

5) AGEING. In a similar way as the above, women will slap anything on their face if they are told it will fight away those wrinkles or fine lines. Just paint the face with Hemorrhoid cream because that’s apparently what everyone is doing. Logic! Even makeup. Who knows what is contains. Wale fat? Bat venom? Snake skin? If it makes us look anything like Heidi Klum…sold!

6) OUTFIT CLASH. Right, if a guy walked into a bar and spotted a bloke wearing the same shirt as him it would probably go unnoticed. A little chuckle to themselves maybe. Now reverse the roles. Woman black dress. Another woman black dress. Same bar. Same day. Hell breaks loose. Night ruined. Hate campaign against the girl. Boycott the bar. Never shop from that store again. You sit and ask why bad things happen to good people.

7) PARKING. Why drive when you literally need a taxi to reach the store as you park five miles out where no car can possibly be in the way. Yet somehow someone’s wing mirror still got hit.

8) OVERREACTION. “They had a mutual break up”. “Oh my godddd how did this happen. Her life is over. She’s nearly 30. Her clocks ticking. Prime years are over. She has no hope in life now. Has she thought of adopting? I need to be a supportive friend. I will take Ben & Jerry’s, gift 12 cats and ring adoption agencies. Phew! I’ve got it under control.” What would we do without that one friend.

9) OPINION. “What do you think of this dress? It makes me look a little chunky doesn’t it. Actually I prefer the other dress, I’m wearing that.” Boy:” yeah the other dress is nice too. Girl: ” OMG are you seriously calling me fat. Do I look like a whale. I knew it. You just don’t love me anymore.”

10) COMPLIMENT. So we decide to introduce him to one of the girlfriends. “She’s absolutely great you’ll love meeting her.” Trap. Warning. This is a trap. He foolishly says: ” she was lovely, very pretty girl.” Just pack the bags and get out of the country. In her mind you’ve cheated, she can now visualise the hanky panky. Wedding bells ringing. Babies popping out. Three strikes too late.

I guess the female form is one scientists even struggle with. There’s never a right answer. She sometimes doesn’t even know how she’s feeling herself. You just can’t win. No such thing as a detox. No such thing as a manual. You know what they say… you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.

GOODLUCK…her final words!

Happy International Women’s Day!

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March 8th marks one of the greatest days in history! Yes ladies and gentlemen, lets welcome International Women’s Day! A day to raise awareness on gender inequality and celebrate women’s achievements throughout history and across nations.

“Connecting Girl. Inspiring Futures”. The motto of 2014 International Women’s Day. One that I am sure has filled your social media feeds!

I thought it would only be fitting to begin with thanking women in the media today – the unforgettable debt to Kim Kardashian for showing young girls how hard work pays off – oh the blood, sweat and tears (literally) taken to make the one sex tape that broke Hollywood. Miley Cyrus, for not letting us girls down and giving us an opportunity to redeem ourselves with perfecting the twerk. Last but not least, Kate Moss for reminding us how ‘nothing tastes better than being skinny’! Lets hope Primark stocked up on their size zeros.

Sadly, we live in world where the bad is thrived on and the good forgotten. So I would like to shine a light on those true inspirational women, who I would want as my sisters, daughters and even granddaughters role models.

Warning: Kleenex may be needed.

The plight of Malala Yousafzai, education activist, awakened us all and highlighted the courage and bravery of women around the world. The importance of education, respect  and having a voice.

“I could either not speak and die, or speak and then die. I chose the second one” (Malala Yousafzai)

Emmeline Pankhurt, founder of the Women’s Socialist and Political Union, who played a vital role in gaining the vote for women during the suffragette movement in the early 20th century and spread a message of hope.

“We have to free half of the human race, the women, so that they can help to free the other half.” (Emmeline Pankhurst)

Elizabeth Gaskell, the Queen of Victorian novels, who used her pen to highlight the economic and social divides in Engalnd as well as being the backbone to her husband’s success, William Gaskell.

“Thinking has, many a time, made me sad, darling; but doing never did in all my life” (Elizabeth Gaskell)

The list of female activists who deserve to be remembered on this special day is endless. So I give three big cheers for all the women in every corner of the world, wishing them a Happy Internationals Women’s Day!

But in doing so, I want everyone to take a special moment to remember all those women still in suffering: the single mothers, those in unhealthy relationships, victims of rape and domestic violence and those who now call a war zone their home – a prayer goes out to all women in war torn countries whose homes, families and livelihoods have been destroyed.

I dedicate this post to one of the greatest women I ever knew – my Nan. R.I.P (17/02/2014)

 

The Tinder Notebook

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The app that is a mix between online dating, Fruit Ninja and Mean Girls. It’s what everyone is talking about!
The dating app that allows you to judge whether complete strangers are “the one” based on five images and a tag line. Swipe right if likey and left if they’re not turning on your lighty. If the other person then likes you back, it’s a match. Get chatting. Exchange numbers. Hang. Date. Move in together. Marry. Two kids. One dog. Few birthday presents too late you’re living the life!
All down to one swipe!
The answer to life = Tinder!!!

Click finger…snap out of it.
Tender vs. Tinder

It is the death to all romance. The grim reeper of love. The undertaker of affection. Yes I am a little melodramatic!
But the app drives me to it!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a cuddly teddy and soppy poems kind of girl.

But can I ask whatever happened to simply approaching people?

Oh the awkwardness of accidentally swiping the wrong way and finding a match. Or meeting the person and realising the impact of filtering images. Two foot too short? Two stone too heavy? Sausage fingers? Wobbly knees? Teeth that have had a coffee too many. The list is endless. Or maybe I’m being a little harsh.

I understand we have busy lives, trying to juggle working for the man, student life that takes its toll when you begin to wish the library had beds. Let’s not forget the demands of the social life, drinks with the guys that you can’t afford so you sacrifice food for the week, movie night where you sit and rip your hair out as there’s always one friend who becomes hysterical watching the Notebook. Then there’s the visits back home to mum, who comments on everything from the overgrown hair, to the way you tie your shoe laces.

So clearly we have demanding lives.
An app that gives you a shot at finding that significant other doesn’t sound too bad now does it.

It might go against everything I believe relationships should be based on, but let’s face it, me having a moan about Tinder isn’t going to stop this trend.
So here are my four golden rules to give some hope to those love hungry tinderers.

1) Profile picture. This is the make or break. The Marmite of the Tinder world. It’s where you sell yourself. So why put an image of you with five friends. One, it takes longer to flick through and figure out which one is you. Two, your friends look hotter than you, so the heartbreaking moment when it’s not the one you wanted it to be. So at least chose the friend with the big nose to pose alongside.

2) As profile pictures are as important as Victoria Beckham and her pout, two golden rules are dedicated to this. When taking that life changing decision of what picture to use, do not, note, not use a headshot selfie. I can sense the shock horror on your face as I attempt to talk you out everything that is dubbed as “cool”. Maybe we can compromise and that can be the fourth image in the pack. But for the first image use one of you doing a hobby, this way it will give an excuse to get a conversation flowing and make you look like you actually have interests, even if you did just throw a child of his BMX to pose alongside it.

3) Tagline. This is your brand. The ingredients that make you, you. Yes you. Not Marilyn Monroe or Coco Chanel. You. So even though we may be loving these inspirational quotes that get us out of bed every morning, they don’t tell me anything other than you know how to copy and paste. Tell me something wacky, or just straight to the point, just don’t pretend to be something you’re not (cringey cliché)…. “Oh this is not something I would usually do. My friends made me the account”…Seriously? Give over!

4)Tinder Chat. So you’ve finally got a match. Heart is racing, sky’s are clearing, heels are clicking and life now has a reason. It’s time for Tinder chat. The awkward moment when you rewrite messages and overthink how to begin a conversation. Whatever happens do not send more than two messages without a reply. You’re already on the app, your intentions of wanting more than a friendship is already clear, you now do not want to look clingy. Yes clingy. The deal breaker. You certainly don’t want a pen pal. If there’s no response, you were clearly accidentally swiped or the next batch of potentials took their liking. And if you did pass the Tinder chat round, meet within two weeks max. The less time taken to meet, the less swiping needed.

I may not be the love doctor, or pass for Cupid. But I promise you, apply these four golden rules and watch your love life turn from pathetic to… well having options. You welcome! Tindering may just be the way forward.

Note to self: if single by 30 consider Tinder!