The Tinder Notebook


The app that is a mix between online dating, Fruit Ninja and Mean Girls. It’s what everyone is talking about!
The dating app that allows you to judge whether complete strangers are “the one” based on five images and a tag line. Swipe right if likey and left if they’re not turning on your lighty. If the other person then likes you back, it’s a match. Get chatting. Exchange numbers. Hang. Date. Move in together. Marry. Two kids. One dog. Few birthday presents too late you’re living the life!
All down to one swipe!
The answer to life = Tinder!!!

Click finger…snap out of it.
Tender vs. Tinder

It is the death to all romance. The grim reeper of love. The undertaker of affection. Yes I am a little melodramatic!
But the app drives me to it!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a cuddly teddy and soppy poems kind of girl.

But can I ask whatever happened to simply approaching people?

Oh the awkwardness of accidentally swiping the wrong way and finding a match. Or meeting the person and realising the impact of filtering images. Two foot too short? Two stone too heavy? Sausage fingers? Wobbly knees? Teeth that have had a coffee too many. The list is endless. Or maybe I’m being a little harsh.

I understand we have busy lives, trying to juggle working for the man, student life that takes its toll when you begin to wish the library had beds. Let’s not forget the demands of the social life, drinks with the guys that you can’t afford so you sacrifice food for the week, movie night where you sit and rip your hair out as there’s always one friend who becomes hysterical watching the Notebook. Then there’s the visits back home to mum, who comments on everything from the overgrown hair, to the way you tie your shoe laces.

So clearly we have demanding lives.
An app that gives you a shot at finding that significant other doesn’t sound too bad now does it.

It might go against everything I believe relationships should be based on, but let’s face it, me having a moan about Tinder isn’t going to stop this trend.
So here are my four golden rules to give some hope to those love hungry tinderers.

1) Profile picture. This is the make or break. The Marmite of the Tinder world. It’s where you sell yourself. So why put an image of you with five friends. One, it takes longer to flick through and figure out which one is you. Two, your friends look hotter than you, so the heartbreaking moment when it’s not the one you wanted it to be. So at least chose the friend with the big nose to pose alongside.

2) As profile pictures are as important as Victoria Beckham and her pout, two golden rules are dedicated to this. When taking that life changing decision of what picture to use, do not, note, not use a headshot selfie. I can sense the shock horror on your face as I attempt to talk you out everything that is dubbed as “cool”. Maybe we can compromise and that can be the fourth image in the pack. But for the first image use one of you doing a hobby, this way it will give an excuse to get a conversation flowing and make you look like you actually have interests, even if you did just throw a child of his BMX to pose alongside it.

3) Tagline. This is your brand. The ingredients that make you, you. Yes you. Not Marilyn Monroe or Coco Chanel. You. So even though we may be loving these inspirational quotes that get us out of bed every morning, they don’t tell me anything other than you know how to copy and paste. Tell me something wacky, or just straight to the point, just don’t pretend to be something you’re not (cringey cliché)…. “Oh this is not something I would usually do. My friends made me the account”…Seriously? Give over!

4)Tinder Chat. So you’ve finally got a match. Heart is racing, sky’s are clearing, heels are clicking and life now has a reason. It’s time for Tinder chat. The awkward moment when you rewrite messages and overthink how to begin a conversation. Whatever happens do not send more than two messages without a reply. You’re already on the app, your intentions of wanting more than a friendship is already clear, you now do not want to look clingy. Yes clingy. The deal breaker. You certainly don’t want a pen pal. If there’s no response, you were clearly accidentally swiped or the next batch of potentials took their liking. And if you did pass the Tinder chat round, meet within two weeks max. The less time taken to meet, the less swiping needed.

I may not be the love doctor, or pass for Cupid. But I promise you, apply these four golden rules and watch your love life turn from pathetic to… well having options. You welcome! Tindering may just be the way forward.

Note to self: if single by 30 consider Tinder!


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