One year ago today I said the infamous words “I DO” – well the six kalmay!
Today I’m sat here with a broken foot (I do fully believe he was behind part of the planning to my fall), rash on my face because he got my moisturisers mixed up and ever so slight constipation because he keeps feeding me Cocodamol to shut me up!
Welcome to married life!
You thought it was going to be all romantic wining and dining, dancing in the rain with him grinding on a rose between his teeth (yes only between his teeth) – well I’ve got a newsflash for you and it’s called the MIL… hey I’m only joking guys even I’m not that crazy enough to go there (yet!)
The most popular phrase newlyweds will hear is: “the first year of marriage is always the hardest” – of course after 12 months the mighty bells will ring and the fairies will sprinkle their magic dust and fix that broken man… I didn’t have time for that shiz plus last time I faked a broken tooth so I could get some £kerching£ off the tooth fairy and it didn’t work out too well, so seeing that they all belong to the same family I thought word may have got round and I’d be doomed so I took matters into my own hands…
Here are just a couple of the tips and tricks I’ve picked up over the past year:
1. You know the old rule your mum used to say – “don’t go to sleep angry”, listen to you mum. Let him go to sleep and just watch his vulnerable defenseless face give you that moment of peace, that’s when you attack his ego sack and start tearing at those season tickets… his brain will soon tell him whose right and whose wrong.
2. “Pairs are made in heaven” – so when he throws that line into the argument because he thinks there’s no possible way you can argue with that, you just tell him that you also believe in pairs and most importantly keeping pairs together – so that designer bag comes with a designer pair of shoes, that diamond necklace also has some diamond earrings that just can’t be parted.
3. Okay there are times in your relationship where you may need reminding of why you married each other. In such instances, boys do not underestimate the power of fried chicken wings at 1am just to say “you are the most amazing and beautiful woman in the world and I love you dearly.”
I think I’ve got you kind of covered for the first 12 months or so. Of course there will be those irritating Dr wannabe Aunts who constantly want to examine, feel and probe the womb area because nothing’s popped out yet so some serious family meetings need to take place and apparently a bowl of ghee, sugar, flour and almonds will give you the strength to bring that baby into the world. Oh and don’t forget the work to married lifestyle digs yet to hear because fish finger buttys may not cut it as an evening meal for two (goodbye childhood).
But at the end of it all you live happily ever after…
You know why… because all those crazy moments in married life is part of this new adventure of two best friends which you wouldn’t change for the world.
Yes he snores, yes he has morning breath, yes he farts and doesn’t always flush but ladies lets not pretend that only pixie dust leaves our butt cheeks.
The biggest thing I’ve learnt in my year of marriage is that you marry the whole person…not only his cheeky grin that gave you butterflies when you met or his charm that gave those goosebumps but he is also the same man who farts, snores has temper issues and a whole lot of other drama to deal with. But he’s your man and you can’t ignore half and love the other half you need to bring the best out of each other, you’re one unit and you represent each other.
From snorkeling, to swimming with dolphins, gondola rides and wearing Christmas socks in mid summer we’ve done a whole load of crazy stuff together that I wouldn’t have done otherwise .
Thank you for always being the Cray in my Crazy.
Here’s to a lifetime and hereafter together…
P.s. Whilst writing this blog I thought it’d be a good idea to get some marriage advice from other married couples and here are the tools they recommended for the marriage survival kit:
• Don’t over-complicate issues
• Tent making skills for those lonely nights
• Make him believe he is the decision maker (advice from the lady who got married last week – she’s a smart one!)